A sister narrate her story
*Fairy Tale and Marriage*
To single ladies… this is for you! (Brothers you may need it as well)
Sisters, do you have an imagination that is built in your mind on how your marriage life should be? Ah, come on. I was single and I know we, ladies are very good in this.
We might have that pictures in our head on how our marriage life should be. And most of the times — they are somehow *quite* unrealistic, yeah but who cares
I’ve seen there are poems made by some single sisters about how they want their future husband to be.
• I want you to wake me up for Tahajjud
• I want you to be the Imam of my prayers
• I want you to use my fingers whilst making tasbeeh
• I want you to surprise with *breakfast that you cook* on our bed.
Yes and the list goes on. (Brothers don’t be panic. Yes it may sound too much but please bear with it)
My dear sisters, trust me I was like you. With little hopes in my heart. Hoping that my marriage life is as beautiful as I have imagined. But the reality is — it’s not!
I remember when we first married, things seems *wow*. But as day passed by, I began to feel… is this going well? Personally, I’m a romantic person *cough*. I remember how I would prepare our food and designed it to be in the shape of heart. And when I presented it to him, he just recited du’aa and ate without noticing that beautiful decoration I’ve made. I was like “huh?” And there are few other things that really makes me feel —
“May be he don’t love me? Is he truly the one for me?”
I was quite heart broken. I began to feel that my *disney-fairytale-marriage* was just an illusion. So I spoke to the best person about my dilemma — my sister. I sent her a message,
“My husband isn’t a romantic person. I’m sad”
A few minutes later she replied. She responded my message with a quite lengthy message and I think I must pass it to all of you (single ladies, you may take note).
“Shams, marriage isn’t what you want it to be, but rather what you create it to be. You can’t expect everything to be perfect. You both are not a movie character that everything has be perfect - it’s fake!
Men are not the same. There are some romantic man. There are some men who are less romantic, and there are some who are not romantic at all. But don’t be sad. ‘Romantic’ isn’t in the gene. It’s a character which can be built.
But what I would like to tell you is, rather than complaining of his imperfection why don’t you see the positive side? Be a good observer. There must be something special in him that you don’t pay attention much. My advice is, put aside your imagination and stop comparing him with our father (my father is a very romantic person).
And no matter how much he give you - little or a lot, you must be yourself by giving the best from your side. If he isn’t a romantic person, it shouldn’t stop you from being one. All the best!”
I realized my mistake. I told myself that I have to change. So, I begin to expect-less and I give my best regardless what. I also try to observe every little things he do.
For few days, I was on research-mode. Observing and studying his behavior and personality. What I found?
Whenever my husband at home, he is the one who wakes me up for Tahajjud - He never complained even the food tastes so bad - He will not eat until I sit and eat together with him - Everytime I recite the Qur’an, he shall pause his doings and listen to my recitation and correct whenever I made a mistake - the list go on (I don’t want to make you jealous, just kidding!)
When I noticed all this, it really made me realized how much he does actually care for me. So I messaged my sister with teary eyes and told her about this. She said, you’re blessed. I’m married for ten years and there are some that I’ve never experienced.
So I want to tell you that, it is not wrong to have some imagination but don’t let these imagination rules you. Marriage is more than what we do think actually.
For me, marriage is like a coloring book. The more effort you put, the better the outcome is. Marriage comes plain, you color and decorate it with your choice of colors.
So my dear sisters, we must always remember that our spouse is a gift from Allāh - Himself. And Allāh never made mistakes. The man you marry, is the best for you.
And on top of that, keep making du’aa. The du’aa shouldn’t be stop once you got married, rather it should be more. Ask Allāh to make your spouse to love you, each and everyday.